Undarned (a poem)

Based on a quote I saw posted on Twitter… 

‘Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open.’ —Natalie Goldberg

I’m
tired of being split open
tired of being accepting when acceptance is not forthcoming
tired of being accommodating when accommodations are not available
tired of pretending everything is okay while everyone else goes along with the pretense
tired of speaking when nobody wants to listen
tired of being reasonable for no good reason

I’m
tired of being split open
tired of every little bit of poison finding its way in
tired of needing the antidote every day to survive
tired of every small worry being trapped in the folds, festering and growing
tired of not having anywhere I can go to have them taken off my hands
tired of feeling defeated from head to toe

I’m
tired of being split open
and not knowing how to sew

(20 February 2018)