‘Is this what they mean by “going back to square one?”’ (a poem)

Today’s entry. Inspired by a chapter in Haruki Murakami’s 1Q84.

I have been here
more times than I care to mention

Whenever I should be able to coast
I am instead pushing forward
trying to put enough distance
between where I am and where I was
that I no longer need worry
about starting over again

Beginner’s mind should be a state of mind
but some part of the universe takes it literally
then here I am again

However far I made it last time
no longer registers in my memory
as though it never happened—
a dream faded before my morning coffee
a fantasy from a pop song on the radio
a fleeting what if…?

Is this what they mean…

(6 June 2017)